thatnicolechick.com

the Lepidopterist

he looked around at his collection, priding himself on the pieces collected over the years.  one with an understated beauty.  another with vibrant colors.  a third which was so rare he could hardly believe his luck.  all boxes were his own.  his life’s work.  a deliberate exercise in preservation.

his first had been from new england.  he had been fourteen and had absolutely no experience with anything.  he was sitting on a rickety porch swing with sweaty palms, waiting on a girl who may or may not have been the girl of his dreams.  as he waited he noticed it by the porch light.  jerking up and down, no real grace about the movement, but he was fascinated.  it was rather plain, a muted grey, and certainly nothing he would have chosen today, now that he was more knowledgeable.

he was short for his age and had a bit of trouble catching it.  he had to jump up and down a bit, but after about five minutes he clapped his hands together, trapping the moth inside of them.  a wing was injured, but he didn’t care.  this was his first, and when something is your first, you don’t really notice things like that.

he put his find in a safe place, on the upper ledge of a window frame, and hoped the summer breeze wouldn’t blow it down.  the girl came along shortly after and they were on their way.  the next morning he remembered and found the moth.  it was still there.

he spent that afternoon carefully pinning the moth into a shadow box he had purchased at a craft store up the road.  when the final pin was in place, he admired his work.  for not knowing what he was doing, he thought he did pretty well.

now he has countless boxes.  each one a protective cocoon for the object inside.  each one more carefully preserved and more carefully selected than the last.  but that’s to be expected.  that’s what you get with experience.

i’m not always there when you call, but i’m always on time

me:  do you use ichat?

lynda:  yes, i use ichat.

me:  can you not have yourself on your buddy list?

lynda:  i don’t know.  i’ve never done that.

me:  man, i like to see myself on my buddy list.

lynda:  haha, why do you want to see yourself?

me:  that way someone is always online.

lynda:  well you always have anthony.  at night, anyway.

they need a reality show

my parents are nuts.  i want them to have their own reality show so the general public can be exposed to their antics.

my mom and i went shopping today.  in the garden section she decided it was a good time to start dancing.  she was shaking her booty like crazy until a worker came into the aisle and caught her.

later today, after jim reading a 5-minute tutorial on how to play poker:

me:  you know how to play?

jim:  well, i got the jist of it, but it’s kind of like going to practice law after watching an episode of matlock on mute.  i’m not quite there yet.

Tvätt Dag (Laundry Day)

Tvätt Dag (Laundry Day)

He left on Sunday.
Laundry Day.
Somewhere in between my sedated state
and the first traces of morning,
he had collected his things
and gone.

It had been planned for some time.
His departure.
I thought I would be okay,
because he was going home
and I didn’t care
that much.

Still, I laid in bed all day,
enveloped in the dingy white
of my well-worn bedding.

I glanced around the room
hoping to find some remainder
he left behind.
Even the glass of water
he left on the nightstand weeks ago,
the one I kept nagging about,
was gone.

I buried my face in the pillow,
hoping to suffocate myself
in his signature scent,
subtle keynotes of testosterone,
sweat and aftershave,
neglecting my dirty laundry,
and the pillowcases
that were sprinkled with strands
of his long, black hair.

——————————————

well, it seems i’ve got no direction when it comes to blogging.  which is just an extension of how i’m feeling in every facet of my life.  but i am hopeful this is about to change.  stay positive, that’s what i’m going to do.  i just haven’t started yet.

airports

so, as predicted, my life is changing.  i guess life always changes, but i felt this one coming.  it’s not changing in the way i planned, hoped for, or even expected, but it is changing and there is nothing i can do.

it’s really scary not knowing where i am headed.  in the past it was scary, but always okay, because i had time to figure it out.  now i feel i am out of time and still haven’t got a clue as to what is supposed to happen next.  i just have to have faith that this is the way things are meant to be, and eventually it will all make sense.

japan was amazing.  completely different than i expected, but quite amazing.  it was hard to comprehend that i was on the opposite side of the world.  i just couldn’t get my brain around it.

i was suprised at how many people didn’t speak english.  i have only ever been to europe, where if i didn’t speak the language, the person i was trying to communicate with would say, “that’s okay!  i need to practice my english!”  in japan, if i couldn’t communicate, the person on the opposite end looked just as confused as i was.

strangly enough, i found this inability to communicate kind of refreshing.  it was exciting.  it was an adventure to see if i could order dinner, or take the subway, or do anything really.

tokyo was fantastic.  we spent the majority of our time there, but there is still so much we could have done.  i also stayed in a really amazing hostel that felt like a home.  i definitely felt a bit sad leaving.

coming back, i felt some sort of disconnect with everything.  i hadn’t been gone long enough for things to change, but maybe because things were exactly the same, i felt weird.  i guess i always get in a post-trip funk once i get back home, especially if it was a great trip.

being away from home and experiencing new things really makes me want to get rid of all my belongings and just go.  experience new places and new things and meet new people.  while i know that isn’t quite realistic for me, i’m definitely going to have to incorporate more of the new into my life.  new people, new places, new things to do…i want to live a little more than i have been.

alone in kyoto

the idea for this site was conceived years ago, but just came to fruition a few weeks ago.  i never know what to do with beginnings, so i always put them off.  but here i am.

in a little over a day i will be leaving for japan.  this trip could not have come at a better time.  i have been in a transitional period for quite some time. i’m not even sure what i am transitioning to.  but something has been in the air for months and i’m hoping this trip is just what i need to clear my mind and gain a new perspective.

i had a dream the other day that really scared me.  maybe i’m being unnecessarily paranoid, but it could have easily been my life in a few months if things continue on in the same way.  even my unconscious mind is aware that a change of pace is what i need.  i’m hoping this trip will be the beginning of some really great things for me.  and when i get back i’m going to make some necessary alterations.

take me away, ‘cause i just don’t want to stay
and the lies you make me say are getting deeper every day
these are crazy days but they make me shine
time keeps rolling by
-oasis